Sunrise; Sadness & Serenity

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers oe'r fraught heart and bids it break" - William Shakespeare

I had a restless night. Thoughts of Mom and the days past bouncing around in my head like a ping-pong ball.  Night-time is scary - shadows close and afar, leap out at me reminding me of what I've lost, of what I'm afraid of, and what I will forever miss. 

 Oh Mom...I hope you don't find the nights scary, afraid and wondering where you are and what's happening to you.  I want more then anything for you to be at peace knowing you are well cared for. Knowing how much you are loved.  Love is the antidote for fear. 

When my eyes fluttered open at 5:45 am and I noticed a faint light under the bedroom door, I felt relieved.  I padded out to the living room feeling exhausted.  Bella thumped her tail at me a few times and then retreated to the bedroom where I just came from, and to the comforts of Les' light snoring, and my warm pillow.   

I sat down on the couch taking in the beautiful Kin Beach sunrise and pondered my sleepless night. Monkey brain (as my Bro calls it) is a curse.  It robs me of all things precious that can only be reaped when I'm in the now...like sleep!  When I am in the now, I'm less sad and anxious and most at peace despite the heartache and grief I can't seem to escape.  I can accept the tears and the sadness, and appreciate all that I'm grateful for.  I'm so aware of life. So aware, that I can taste it; the salt of my tears and the sweetness of Bella's thumping tail and this beautiful sunrise.   

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