Without Fear

"Without fear, we are able to see more clearly our connections to others. Without fear, we have more room for understanding and compassion. Without fear, we are truly free."  Excerpt taken from the book Fear byThich Hnat Hanh 

Since returning to Vancouver to re-connect with my home and work life mid September, I've been reading Thich Hnat Hanh's book on Fear.  My good friend and colleague Erna Hagge introduced me to the author and his best selling book - Peace Is Every Step.  Talks with my friend often centre on our thinking and feeling about our lives, and how we want to practice being present and at peace with all it has to offer.

For those not familiar with Thich Hnat Hanh, he is a Buddhist who has penned many books on his beliefs. I recently heard on CBC one mans opinion that Buddhism is a philosophy grounded in positive psychology more than it is a religious notion. I tend to agree.  One recent afternoon spent at Chapters wandering the book aisles (heaven on earth), I found Fear  - or maybe it found me.  I spent the next hour in a corner at the Starbucks outlet located on the second floor engrossed.

As I've shared with many of you, returning to work and to the everyday routines of life has been hard at times. While I love my home and my life with Les here in YVR, I miss being with my family and the daily interactions with Mom.  Time spent together is so precious.  I know I believed this before Mom got sick...that time together is precious, but there's an added sense of urgency now.

I've had some serious conversation with Les about moving to the Island.  I've talked over my options with Aunt Linda over a lovely lunch at Mars on Main.  I've explored job and living opportunities.  I can find myself wracked with anxiety about what to do and the fear completely immobilizes me.  It's a tough decision - a big one, and it's generated more stressful feelings than healthy ones.

Reading Fear has helped. It's helping me to trust that my future will unfold as it is meant to, and that it's ok to take this time to explore my options.

I notice when I can remember what I've learned from Hanh's writings, when I have his wisdom in my awareness and I can put it to practice, I can experience moments without fear and the benefits described in the excerpt above become my reality...for that moment.

I experienced a shift last weekend during my trip to Comox and visits with Mom  I felt more calm in the midst of the storm. I cried a little less.  It was a little easier to see Mom as she is today - courageous and loving, and finding ways to cope with her life as it is today. I was able to focus on ways to uplift her and accept her as she is today.  My time with her was without a lot of fear about the future.

I'm grateful to have connected to Hanhs' wisdom - it's like a cloak of courage helping me find ways to be on this journey with Mom with less fear and more moments of peace - peace of mind and heart.