A day of Visitors

Lisa, Les and Bella came for the weekend. Scott went with them to see Dianna. They will be holidaying in Mexico for a couple of weeks so they wanted to see Di before they went. Scott and Bella will stay with me.  While they are away Bella and I will be visiting with Di over the next two weeks.

I  also went to see Di around 2pm and had a good visit.  You will note that in the picture (taken today) of  Les and Di that she is in a wheelchair rather than her Broda.  It is a good thing that she is in the wheelchair as it strengthens her feet and lower leg muscles as she moves the chair.  When I arrived she was still in the wheelchair but I saw that she was leaning precariously to the left.  Di's left side is weak, especially when she gets tired.  We believe the left side weakness (and drooping left eye) are the result of the mini strokes she  has had.   We are told the mini strokes hasten the decline of brain functioning and hope the doctor has found the right meds so she won't get anymore strokes.

As many of you know Di has a hard time communicating.  It is difficult to understand her and one must read the facial expressions to get some idea of what she is telling you.  Often a "yes, Dianna or no, Dianna" will allow her to continue talking.  It is very important, I feel, to keep her talking to help her keep a connection with the world around her.  It is interesting that sometimes she is quite articulate; again, I believe that when she is"up" she is more understandable.

Friendship - BJ Harding & Elaine Loehr

When you realize you have good friends in your life, you feel blessed.  Having had many a conversation with Mom over the years about her friendship with BJ, I know how much Mom loves and appreciates her.  Over the years, the two have had lots of adventures together; trips to Coombs, working in their gardens together, planning special events with family and friends, working on Christmas projects, shopping for the holidays, being in the kitchen together, being in Jim's woodworking shop together to make benches for the gardens (and one for me too!).   Always lots of laughter and heart-felt conversations about the ups and downs of their lives.  Back in the spring of this year, BJ offered to help Dad care for Mom.  When Dad tired to graciously let her off the hook, BJ insisted saying... she's my best friend and I want to be there for her.

Since Mom's transition to Cumberland Lodge, BJ's been visiting Mom during the week after work, and helping her with her evening meal.  During a recent visit to Comox I met up with BJ for a Starbucks and was privy to hearing about BJ's grief over the recent loss of her mother and of her best friend - Mom.   

We are truly blessed to have you in our lives BJ.  Thank you for your love and support of Mom, and of our family. I know the sadness you feel, and hope that you are also experiencing a peace that comes from being present with Mom as she is today, accepting and encouraging her to be the best she can be today, and for loving her.  I hope you sense in your inner knowing and wisdom how much Mom loves and appreciates you.  

We recently got in touch with a long-time friend of Mom's - Elaine Loehr who lives in Saskatchewan. Mom and Elaine go back to Yellowknife days.  She had not heard the news and was devastated to know what was happening to Mom.  Elaine - thank you for sending the lovely card.  Dad took it to the lodge and shared it with Mom.  She acknowledged she knew who you were and was delighted to know you had written... when I visited last weekend, I had the chance to read your note and share it with Mom again.  Here she is with your card in hand.

Without Fear

"Without fear, we are able to see more clearly our connections to others. Without fear, we have more room for understanding and compassion. Without fear, we are truly free."  Excerpt taken from the book Fear byThich Hnat Hanh 

Since returning to Vancouver to re-connect with my home and work life mid September, I've been reading Thich Hnat Hanh's book on Fear.  My good friend and colleague Erna Hagge introduced me to the author and his best selling book - Peace Is Every Step.  Talks with my friend often centre on our thinking and feeling about our lives, and how we want to practice being present and at peace with all it has to offer.

For those not familiar with Thich Hnat Hanh, he is a Buddhist who has penned many books on his beliefs. I recently heard on CBC one mans opinion that Buddhism is a philosophy grounded in positive psychology more than it is a religious notion. I tend to agree.  One recent afternoon spent at Chapters wandering the book aisles (heaven on earth), I found Fear  - or maybe it found me.  I spent the next hour in a corner at the Starbucks outlet located on the second floor engrossed.

As I've shared with many of you, returning to work and to the everyday routines of life has been hard at times. While I love my home and my life with Les here in YVR, I miss being with my family and the daily interactions with Mom.  Time spent together is so precious.  I know I believed this before Mom got sick...that time together is precious, but there's an added sense of urgency now.

I've had some serious conversation with Les about moving to the Island.  I've talked over my options with Aunt Linda over a lovely lunch at Mars on Main.  I've explored job and living opportunities.  I can find myself wracked with anxiety about what to do and the fear completely immobilizes me.  It's a tough decision - a big one, and it's generated more stressful feelings than healthy ones.

Reading Fear has helped. It's helping me to trust that my future will unfold as it is meant to, and that it's ok to take this time to explore my options.

I notice when I can remember what I've learned from Hanh's writings, when I have his wisdom in my awareness and I can put it to practice, I can experience moments without fear and the benefits described in the excerpt above become my reality...for that moment.

I experienced a shift last weekend during my trip to Comox and visits with Mom  I felt more calm in the midst of the storm. I cried a little less.  It was a little easier to see Mom as she is today - courageous and loving, and finding ways to cope with her life as it is today. I was able to focus on ways to uplift her and accept her as she is today.  My time with her was without a lot of fear about the future.

I'm grateful to have connected to Hanhs' wisdom - it's like a cloak of courage helping me find ways to be on this journey with Mom with less fear and more moments of peace - peace of mind and heart.