Guinness

I'm taking care of David and Gil's dog Guinness for a few days while they are on a sailing trip in Europe.   Bella and him get along famously!  We took them both up to see Mom today but only Bella went into the Lodge - the two together would have been a tad too overwhelming for the residents as I'm sure you can imagine! 

Scott and I visited with Mom this afternoon and are pleased to report she is doing really well - in fact, since I've been here, I've noticed her eyes are brighter, and she's regained a few words from her vocabulary. Perhaps recovered some degree from the mini-strokes or at least they haven't reoccurred of late? She's settling in and seems happy for the most part. 

Yesterday, Dad and I talked with the head nurse about getting Mom seated at a table with others for meals. Up until now, she's eaten on her own in her broda chair in the dining room because it seemed more relaxing for her and less stressful.  At first they had seated her at a table but noticed it was too much stimulation for her and it made it harder for her to focus on eating.  Now that she's more settled, they agreed to try it again - she ate at a table with two others for breakfast and lunch today and did really well.  Mom needs a bit of prompting and assistance to get started, and encouragement to continue but she does a good job- Bon Appetite as she would say...

Life goes on...

After returning home 10 days ago to catch up with Les, work and re-connect with colleagues, I'm back in Comox. I'm here until the later part of next week and plan on heading back to be at work for Monday Sept 23rd.  I'm really grateful I'll be on a flex work schedule for a while - 3 weeks on, 1 week off, so that I can make frequent trips here to visit Mom and Dad.

Despite knowing (I think) Mom's safety and well-being are in good hands at the Lodge, returning home after spending the summer with her - leaving her - was really tough.  Was she going to be ok? Will they take good care of her? Will they comfort her when she's worried or scared? Despite mine and Scotts presence, Dad is alone in the house now...not easy. How could I leave and go back to my life?

You have to get back to your life Lisa...life goes on ... right?

Life goes on...

I was glad for my own bed - Grasshopper didn't seem to have noticed we'd been gone, returning to his habit of sleeping at my side at night which was comforting. Les and I celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary Sept 11th.

Since Mom's illness, Dad has done a great job of remembering family birthdays and special occasions etc.   We were delighted to receive this wonderful pic of Mom and Dad on our anniversary...

Life goes on...

I've had a hard time engaging in my life at home. It's not easy for me to talk about Mom with people . I want to retreat and sleep. I want to reflect and remember.  I want to stay home with my dog and my cat and sit in my barker lounger and watch movies. Work...was I ever passionate about my work? Was I interested in making a difference?  Where did those things go?   I'm in a bubble of sadness and grief.  Somewhere inside I know happiness....it pops up from time to time and I start to feel brighter.  I'm grateful for a lot and can easily count my blessings.  And then poof...where did it go again? The heaviness returns.  One day I woke up and wrote an email to Cathie Borrie hoping  she'd reply and say let's talk. I so needed to talk with someone who could relate to my experience.  Cathie is a Vancouver author who wrote a book I recently read called 'The Long Hello'.

Cathie's Mom had Alzheimer's.  During the days Cathie spent caring for her Mom, she recorded the conversations she and her Mom would have.  When her Mom passed away, she shared these unique conversations in her book. At first, I couldn't understand their language - garbled, confusing, non-sensical dialogue.   But having had many of these non-sensical conversations with my Mom since her words disappeared I can now relate to Cathie's experience and her story of her and her Mom.

We did meet for coffee and it was wonderful to meet Cathie. Delightful she is. Wise, compassionate and full of good advice. She helped me reframe some limiting thoughts to see them in a more positive light, especially those  unsettling thoughts of Mom in her new home that were only based on fear and assumptions.  Cathie helped me realize the deeper your care for someone in life, the harder the grieving process can be.  Especially the mother daughter connection. Cathie encouraged me to keep writing.  Thank you Cathy...I hope we'll stay connected.

Cheryl visits Dianna Sept 5th

I had a wonderful visit on Friday with Dianna.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  I arrived before lunch and found my friend sitting in a lovely bright room with others.  We had time to go for a walk and log onto a computer where I showed Dianna pictures on the blog of her lovely husband, family and friends.  I was thinking that it would be nice to laminate some pictures and put them on a ring for her to put in her basket.  I will see what my creative side (ha ha) can come up with.  Before we knew it lunch was being served.  I was able to sit with Dianna in the sunroom vs with all the other residents.   I can tell you her lunch was a whole lot more appetizing than what I saw at the hospital.  Tomatoe based pasta soup with a roast beef sandwhich and applesauce for desert.  I made sure she had plenty of fresh ice water to drink which she enjoyed.  One of the caregivers (Cama) an acquaintance of mine from years ago mentioned that when family / friends are there at meals she seems to eat very well.  It made me feel like I was helping out in some small way.  Once lunch was over we headed outside for a few pictures (attached) and to enjoy the sun and a nice walk.   It was wonderful to feel the warm sun on our faces. 

The staff at the lodge were all very caring and couldnt be more welcoming to me.  It was comforting to know that Dianna's new home would be a warm and special place for her to be.  I am certain that she will receive the love and care when family/friends are not able to be there.

           Just a note .... The caregivers mentioned to me that visitors were welcome to bring in lunch or
         desert to enjoy with Dianna.  Maybe just call ahead if you're bringing lunch so the kitchen
         doesn't make the meal

         Hugs & kisses Dianna
     
          Cheryl
          (Dianna's friend from the base and many years before when I worked at the Public    
           Service Commission in Victoria and would talk to Dianna frequently in Comox)

Lisa returns to Vancouver

It's hard to believe it's September and I've been here since July 15th.  It's time for me to go home and get my bearings; re-connect with Les and Grasshopper; sleep in my own bed; and figure out next steps re: work.  This experience has changed me and while I'm not sure where life will take me over the next little while, I do know it won't take me far from you Mom- I will be back mid-month.  Don't forget me Mom -  it won't be long before we are together again. I love you!

It's time for Dad to get his bearings.  Scott is here - he plans to use Comox as his mid-Island work-base for a while, coming and going between here and Victoria and making sure Dad stays out of trouble. I miss you two already - our family dinners, conversations and time spent together have been wonderful beyond words.  Time together I will cherish forever ... I love you both very much!!

See you soon...

Les and Bella visit

Les arrived this past Friday for the September long weekend. A visit with his long-lost wife, Bella and the chance to see Mom...all long over due.  Oh...and Dad too :-)

Bella & Mom enjoying the sun

Les, Bella & Mom in the Lodge courtyard

Bella's new career - visiting with the lodge residents

An Ode to My Sister Dianna - Love Vicky

I hope you will accommodate my indulgence.  It's so very hard to be so far away when I cannot hold anyone's hand, offer a hug or flower or help with a meal. But I can write.   I can't be there, but my heart is there just as though I was standing in the room beside you all.